The Battle of the Sexes
by greeny-blue lights
Summary: This is a response to the NFA Challenge "Battle of the Sexes". Ziva is aggravated at Tony, and this fuels a battle of women against men. Jenny, Ziva and Abby fight Tony, Gibbs and Tim. What shall happen? Read to find out. Rated T for slight violence.
1. Prologue: How it happened

**Hi guys! This was a response to the NFA Challenge "Battle of the Sexes". It is sort of a three-shot, if there is such a thing. This is the prologue, then there will be a chapter, then a very short epilogue. Please read and review.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, or anything you think I have copied.**

**So, please read, and enjoy!**

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Prologue

Ziva glanced at Tony DiNozzo furtively. The game was going to begin. And Tony and the rest of his team were going to get _thrashed._

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_How it happened..._

Tony was lounging on his chair as usual, whistling and playing games on his phone. He then turned to the glossy, reflective back and began to inspect his smooth hair.

For some reason, this action really, _really,_ annoyed Ziva today. She just seemed to be in a bad mood.

"DiNozzo. I know you think that you are hot, but you aren't so stop being like a moronic idiot!" Ziva snapped. Tony slowly looked up at Ziva.

"Excuse me, Zee-vah?" Ziva was beginning to redden in anger and frustration.

"Stop looking and preening yourself like a cat! You look so stupid." Tony looked really mad at this.

"That is none of your in-for-ma-tion, Ziva David," Tony waggled his forefinger at Ziva.

"You act like you are superior, like that all girls will just swoon and kiss your feet because of your _dazzling_ smile," Ziva shouted, as she whacked his finger. Tony cursed and swore.

"Well, let's prove it. Men are better than women."

"Fine then, you are up to it. But women are way better than men."

"Fine then. Gibbs!"Tony called. Gibbs walked over.

"Bickering again? What, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked briskly. Tony's strength seem to quaver slightly.

"Gibbs, Ziva believes that women are better than men. Why do you not help me prove that?" Tony asked.

"That sounds great! Men are better than women. I will help." Gibbs smiled. This was going to be fun. Tony turned back to snicker at Ziva because she would not be able to beat Gibbs, but found he was looking at the Director, who turned out to be armed with two guns just at her hip (and many more elsewhere).

"I heard about this battle. Can I join?" she asked sweetly. Tony and Gibbs stared at her dumbstruck.

"Jenny?" Gibbs choked, "You asked JENNY?"

"What, I am a woman!" Jenny cried, indignant. At this, McGee walked in, and Tony grabbed him over.

"We have more people!" Tony shouted competitively. Ziva reached for her phone and dialed a number.

"Abby? Yes, come right up, we have a battle going on that you will need to join. Okay, see you in a sec. Bye!" Ziva hung up. Jenny and Ziva put their hands on their hips, and smirked at the boys.

A few moments later, Abby appeared, pigtails bouncing up and down.

"Hey girls!" She hugged Ziva and Jenny. She then stuck her tongue out at a very offended Tim, Gibbs and Tony.

"Do not worry. I will invent some scientific method of winning! Maybe a bomb will do, or a poisonous bullet..." At that, Tony shivered.

"We will call the autopsy gremlin! He will help us with a supply of scalpels..."

"Then we will call Lee, she will cancel out Palmer, with her...well, you know! So there!"

"Fine then, leave out Lee and the autopsy gremlin. Too gross and distracting for my liking. Both teams have two hours to prepare their assault. But nothing life threatening. Okay? Each person will wear bullet-proof vests, so we can shoot at each other. We meet in the Navy Yard in two hours. Go!" And when Gibbs uttered that word, Jenny, Abby and Ziva rushed down to Abby's lab, leaving the bullpen for the men. And the Battle of the Sexes had begun.

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Did you like it? Please review, and I will update sooner! Thanks!

**Bye!**

**PS: review!!**


	2. Preparations

**Hello people. The Battle of the Sexes has finally begun. Which shall prevail? Man or woman? And what shall _Abby _do? Read to find out!**

**Disclaimer: Do not own NCIS, or anything that you think I have copied. All clear?**

**Ship ahoy! (Is that the phrase? Oh well, stuff it)**

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"Okay, I know Gibbs said nothing life-threatening, but I may be able to concoct several potions to help us with winning," Abby smiled, then began scribble down notes fast and slammed bottles of chemicals onto the table. Ziva and Jenny glanced at each other, then to Abby.

"Okay, then, Abby. Ziva and I will be practising hand-to hand combat, and knife-throwing. Call us when you are done!" Ziva and Jenny left for the Navy Yard, leaving a smiling Abby brewing something devilish.

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"Oh crap, Tony. What is Abby going to make?" McGee whimpered.

"Don't worry, Probie. Nothing life-threatening. But stay out of the scientist's way, we can not risk it. Okay, Gibbs?"

"Well, let us practice hand-to-hand combat and knife throwing. Tony? I'll attack you in Ziva and Jenny fashion, and you defend and attack. Go!" And Gibbs lunged at Tony....

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"Aaargh!" Ziva karate-chopped Jenny, but Jenny ducked under her hand, whirled around tried to whack Ziva on the back with her leg, but Ziva dodged the leg and aimed her punch at Jenny's stomach, but Jenny saw that coming, and slammed a back-kick at Ziva's hand. Ziva cursed.

"Sorry, Ziva," Jenny puffed, resting her hand on her knees. Ziva smiled.

"Ugh, but that was a good aim. We will thrash these guys, no worries. Let's get some aims and practice knife and gun...." Ziva's phone rang.

"David. Okay, be right up. Bye!" Ziva flicked the phone down, glanced at Jenny, nodded, then the two ran to the lab.

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_Abby's lair..._

"So what do you have for us, oh great Abby?" Jenny asked, smiling. Abby whirled around, an even bigger smile pasted to her face.

"Okay, I have concocted a safe, but 'deadly' sleeping 'potion'. Use these darts here," Abby handed Ziva and Jenny a pipe, "Blow into them, then a dart will be released. The dart only needs contact with the skin to render the victim asleep for an hour. So don't touch it with bare hands, and you will be fine. And if you are going to ask me where to aim for, aim for their face. Each pipe contains fourteen darts."

"Wow, Abby! This is like fantasy!" Ziva wowed. Abby smiled.

"Okay, weapon number two. This, is sorta like a bomb, but it will not kill the person. The person who inhales this will feel fine for ten seconds, but then will suddenly collapse unconscious onto the floor for an hour also. Just drop it like a water bomb, then immediately put the filtering mask onto your face. Like this," Abby demonstrated pulling the surprisingly tiny mask over her face, "Then they will all be on the floor! I have only six bombs, so use wisely. The victim has to inhale the vapour for about four seconds for it to work. So keep 'em there."

"Anything else, Abs?" Jenny asked. These were amazing, and she knew that the men would probably drop unconscious very soon.

"Nope. So, this is the plan. I will be the main attacker with these weapons. Then you guys can help 'em work, and you can also attack with these weapons. So are we all set?" Abby clapped her hands, with an evil grin. Ziva and Jenny nodded.

"Two hours are up. Let's go!"

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So, next instalment is coming up. Who is going to win? Wait and see....for an i_nteresting_ ending.

**Please review! I would love and adore that! Thanks**

**Bye!**


	3. Epilogue: So what happened

**Thanks for the reviews! So tomorrow I am going to camp.....oh crap. Anyway, enjoy this. It is sorta like an epilogue...not really, but anyway.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, or Charlie's Angels mentioned in this story.**

**Enjoy.**

**Note: I am a feminist.....but guys out there, don't kill me about the outcome!**

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The Navy Yard..._

 The men were on one side of the line, the women were on the other. Each wore a safety vest.

"So, no life-threatening activity. The last gender standing wins. So are we all set?" Ducky announced. He was to be the umpire.

"And no biest activity, Ducky, or you will pay for it," Jenny hissed. Ducky blanched, and nodded in agreement. Gibbs smiled slightly, gazing at Jenny.

"Go!" At that, bullets were fired. All of them staggered, clutching their chests, all of them except Abby. Abby had stayed back, letting Jenny and Ziva take the bullets. She ran forward with a fleetness of foot. With the pipe, she hit Gibbs, her main target. He swayed, but still stayed upright. Abby shot another, and then he truly swayed and collapsed. McGee was still groaning in pain, and was shocked at Gibbs falling unconscious. Tony had gotten up, ready to shoot or to punch and kick, but then turned pale white when he saw Jenny, Ziva and Abby, looking like Charlie's Angels, side by side, with their hands on their hips and mocking expressions.

"Good night, Tony sweet," Ziva laughed, and that was the last that Tony heard before he felt something feather-light touch his cheek. He suddenly felt so tired, and he fell back and hit the cement with a thud.

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Ziva, Jenny and Abby snickered. They then threw three bombs, and that would render the three victims unconscious and asleep for three hours. Even Ducky had fallen to the cement, asleep. Jenny rubbed her hands together, in a mock-cleaning fashion.

"Well, jobs done, angels! Women are better than men."

"Oh, final touch. I forgot," Abby ran back, then came back with a huge garbage bag full of stuff. They began to unload it. It contained a huge jar of glitter, pink ribbons, makeup, wigs, pink soft toy plushies, pink glitter stickers, and a variety of other trinkets that also included pink pillows. The girls fell around giggling, then began their long laborious work. After they had finished, they took pictures of their beautiful "dolls" with perfect makeup, blonde wigs tied with pink ribbons, stickers plastered all over them, and had aprons tied around them and blankets on top. They were lying on a bed of pink glitter, pink pillows and plush toys.

"We just had to _rub it in_ sweethearts. Enjoy!" And the three women arm in arm left the four men, victory ringing in their hearts.

**Girls win! I hope you liked that! And that is the end of the famous Battle. Thankyou for staying with me...if you did.**

**Anyway, bye!**

**Oh, and review! Please!**


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